The World’s Greatest Meatball Sandwich
So, you think that you are ready to experience the world’s greatest meatball sandwich? Be warned, that once you begin your quest for the perfect meatball sandwich, you may never be the same again. For me, meatball sandwiches are very transcendental things. After having eaten every meatball sandwich that I could get my hands on, I decided to create my own ground meat masterpiece. After some rather dubious experimenting, I have come up with the Wally World Classic, so named because all of the ingredients must come from Wal-Mart to be properly assembled. I know that this will offend some gourmets, but hey, screw those guys! We’re talking about some serious shit here! In fact, to me, the perfect meatball sandwich contains no meatballs, but rather a single, oblong, meat blob. This subtle modification prevents juicy, delicious meatballs from flying out of the rear of the sandwich at a hazardous velocity. Anyway, below is the recipe for the Wally World Classic. Try it, and let me know how you liked it. If you come up with a recipe that you think make a better meatball sandwich, send it to me, and I’ll slap it up here. If you are a scaredy wuss who fears the transcendental bliss of smashing raw meat into tight little balls, but you still crave the blissful taste, hit your local Fazoli’s restaurant, and try out their Meatball Submarino. They are pretty bland, but they’ll do, in a pinch.
The Wally World Classic
Ingredients:
¾ lb (12 oz) ground Italian sausage
¼ lb (4 oz) ground chuck
½ cup Italian style bread crumbs*
10 oz (approx) onions and garlic chunky pasta sauce*
1 egg
2 tbs onion, chopped as finely as possible
Worcestershire sauce
Liquid smoke
Salt
Pepper
Brat Buns**
Miracle Whip
Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Place sausage, beef, bread crumbs, and onion in a large bowl. Break egg into bowl. Add a dash of Worcestershire sauce and liquid smoke. Salt and pepper generously. Mix the resulting mess with your hands until it becomes reasonably homogenous. Form into approximately twelve balls, about the size of golf balls***. Place the meatballs into a large, ungreased baking dish. Bake at 400 degrees for 25 minutes. Carefully remove meatballs from oven. Cover with chunky pasta sauce. Roll the balls around in the dish with a large spoon so that they are evenly covered with sauce. Slice brat buns horizontally. Apply Miracle Whip to bottom halves of buns. Place three meatballs on each bottom bun, and cover with top bun (I really hope that you already knew how to assemble a sandwich).
*These products are part of the “Great Value” line
at Wal-Mart. They have been
specifically chosen for this recipe, so buy ‘em at Wal-Mart!
**These buns are found in the bakery section of
Wal-Mart. Sometimes, I see them labeled
as “hoagie rolls.” At any rate, they
are oblong rolls, that are unsliced, and about the length of a large hot
dog. I usually get six for two bucks.
***Rather than forming the meat into 12 traditional
balls, I roll the meat into four cylinders that are the same length as the
buns, and then smash them into flattened patties that won’t roll off of the
bun.
The World’s Greatest
Meatball Sandwich